Hemp Protein Brownies

It’s been miserably wet and cold. I was going to go shopping but I wasn’t prepared to brave the pouring rain so I reluctantly resigned to baking. For a change, I was going to bake something new, something obscenely healthy, something to justify being stuck at home, something with a good chance of fucking up and tasting like grit. What else was I going to do yeah?

And I did. I made a batch of insanely healthy brownies. Gluten-free, egg-free, nut-free, grain-free, vegan and all that jazz.  You wouldn’t be able to guess what else went into them either! Avocado, banana, hemp seeds, and spinach *gasps*

My first thought when I pulled the baking tray out of the oven was, “Uhh, what’s this? A slab of dung cake?” My eyes obviously didn’t take too kindly to them. What about my other senses?

I gave them a light touch, “Hmm, surprisingly soft and spongey”.

Why not give it a sniff? *brings my nose to the baking tray and takes a big sniff* Smells chocolatey enough.

Maybe its not as bad as it looks *takes a nibble*

*And another. And another.*

My god this stuff is surprisingly good.

*Smears cake with some green stuff*

Oh my, this is actually really good. There, I said it.

*Proceeds to gobbling. Om nom nom nom.*

 

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Acai Smoothie

For about an entire year, I’d start my day with a smoothie. It was a great way to consume more raw greens and creating less kitchen waste. But it was really so I could justify spending $850 on a blender. I’d chuck in scraps that would usually end up in the worm bin like celery and broccoli leaves, kale stalks, and fruit that are about to go like fluffy apples, brown bananas and mushy pears. *shudders*

After a year, I kind of got tired of it and would far rather fried eggs and honey smoked bacon over a green glass of something which the Boyfriend would always say tasted like grass. A year later, it seems like I’m back on track again.

This Acai Smoothie is a great start for anyone wanting to experiment on green smoothies as it is certainly not grassy but very much pleasantly sweet and fruity. One that makes you go mmmm! I suggest starting with something mild like baby spinach before progressing on to kale, celery and chards with herbs like coriander, brahmi, mint or parsley added on top. The one I never got past was cos lettuce but some reckon it’s as mild as spinach #whataloadofbollocks. Also, it’s a good idea to gradually build up the greens or you may end up with a terrible bloat.

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Wonton Soup

When it’s cold and dark outside and my hands and feet turn into deadly ice blocks, I look forward to nothing more than a comforting bowl of wonton soup. It’s like a grandmother’s hug. Warm, soothing and always pleasant. With every sip of hearty broth and every mouthful of meaty parcel, a hungry stomach will bounce in sheer delight.

I just love it when the entire house is permeated with the uplifting aroma of ginger, garlic and chicken stock. One that’s been on a slow simmer all afternoon. A sure sign dinner will be a tasty one. And damn right it’s tasty.

Wontons can be easily dressed up or down. They can be made with just pork mince, salt and sesame oil. Or when one is feeling fancy pants, predominantly prawns or like mine, full of various tasty bits. If you’re very naughty, you can even deep fry them, served with thai sweet chilli sauce.

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Homemade Apple Sauce

Leaving me alone with a pot of apple sauce is as disastrous as leaving Winnie the Pooh with honey. It will all be gone by the time you get back. The evidence? Me with a giant sheepish smile smacked right across my face and a jar left wide open on the kitchen counter with its content emptied save for the odd specks of minuscule apple chunks and sugary goo. I’ve been naughty and I know it.

Apple sauce is such a brilliant sugar fix. It is essentially having an apple pie minus the fat and carb-loaded pie crust. Maybe I should rebrand it as 100% fat free skinny apple pie. (Ha. The utter rubbish we get thrown at these days). It also complements roast pork all too well by cutting through the grease and freshening a heavy roast meal. Roast pork + crackle + apple sauce + steamed tuscan kale/savoy cabbage + gravy = mind blown.

Other than just having it by the greedy spoonfuls, I have recently been enjoying apple sauce with my morning buckwheat cereal topped with a generous dash of cinnamon. It can also be used as a substitute for oil in muffin recipes. Yum yum yum. The options are endless!

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Vegan Mixed Berry Muffins

I am not vegan. While I whole heartedly respect to those who are, I do not ever aspire to be vegan. That said, every so often, most definitely after a few meat-loaded meals in a row, I feel the need to redeem myself by eating like a peasant and abstaining from animal produce. It’s like I’ve got to rise above and wash away my dirty first world sins. Ha.

The Boyfriend and Housemate raised their eyebrows when I said I was going to make vegan muffins. Ok, what is June REALLY up to this time? Here’s the spill. I was trying to impress a vegan colleague who was going to be in town for a few weeks. Well? It was mission accomplished. The muffins turned out so well, no one would’ve guessed that no animals were harmed in the making. In fact, everyone was so dead impressed by them, I had hardly any to spare my vegan friend.

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Golden Turmeric Milk

Winter is knocking on the door and I quite welcome the change in scenery it brings with it. It’s a high of 20°C – officially cold for Perth. The leaves are a brilliant shade of red and gold and the crisp crunch of fallen maple and oak leaves beneath my feet seem to deliver a wonderful punch of satisfaction. The eternally blue sky we take for granted is masked by ever looming grey clouds, threatening to bucket down on you at your inconvenience. The one thing that amuses me most at this time of year is how all the dogs are dressed in ridiculous puffy pink coats and how ever other pedestrian looks like they are about to go Alpine skiing. Who does that shit?

No doubt, there is now a cold nibble in the air. Though not cold enough for me to forgo shorts and flip flops completely yet, I seem to be waking up more sneezy and snottier than the day before. I’m not sure which is provoking my immune system more – the cold weather or wild flower pollen. Either way, I am not the most pleasant sight in the early hours. I’m like the aftermath of slugs partying all night long in my nose. Eww, I know. Anyway, all the more reason to load up on pro-biotics, leafy greens and glassfuls of funky turmeric milk. Time to get that immune system a big b-o-o-ost!

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Juicy Beef Burger

Life is too short to be wasted on shitty burgers.

I have too often found myself in the inconvenient situation of having to grudgingly finish one so I wouldn’t be guilt-ridden for being wasteful, the whole while thinking I would be better off eating a medical textbook or a cat’s bottom.

You’re probably thinking to yourself, yep, been there done that. Well, welcome to the club – it sucks to be you too.

Fortunately, it’s your lucky day today. Firstly, membership to the club is free. Secondly, I am about to share my amazingly tender and juicy beef burger recipe that will end your misery. It’s ended mine but unfortunately has turned me into an even bigger burger snob.

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